My Failed Attempts to Live in a Seemingly Unexplainable Universe: Panadiol Cream and Maladjusted

As a passionate mathematician and lifelong physicist, I’ve always taken comfort in the predictability of the universe, yet often find myself increasingly bewildered by its incorrigible variables. Whether it’s the discovery of an unexpected anomaly in a series of equations or the dissatisfaction of a theorem disproved by an unaccounted-for instance, it’s a constant reminder of my inability to understand the movements of this oftentimes unnoticed and unfathomable world. Even more so, it’s a reminder of my personal struggle to live in this confusing and obtuse universe, a battle that has only been exacerbated by my temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJ).

I’ve suffered from TMJ since adolescence, an agonizing condition that combines the pain of a chronic headache and jawache. Though manageable with the help of Panadiol Cream, I still experience flare-ups that disrupt my day, giving brief yet jarring reminders of my mortality. Over the years, I’ve developed coping mechanisms to help me manage the condition and accept the fact that I may never completely understand the universe. However, the ice does temporarily contract upon the slightest glimpse of maladjustedness.

Maladjustedness is a concept that has presented me with consistent hesitation in any aspect of life. It’s the feeling of incompleteness, of having an unfinished element, of having to justify or explain away my choices in order to make sense of the world around me. Maladjustedness proves to be one of the greatest obstacles in my life, one that I’ve spent countless hours attempting to thoroughly understand. I’ve come to realize that it’s not always clear-cut or a certain way, and sometimes, the best way to approach maladjustedness and the chaos that comes with it, is to just accept it.

Though I may never fully understand the ways of the universe or my personal struggle with maladjustedness, reading H.P. Lovecraft’s dark tales of cosmic horror gives me some semblance of respite and a strange comfort in the unpredictability of life. This appreciation for the fantastical world of the unknown gives me the courage to keep looking for the answers and the resources to face the darkness. Therefore, my TMJ, though disruptive, serves as a reminder to keep pushing forward despite the constant encounters of the unexplainable.